You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
