i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
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Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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