She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
