I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
