yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
