Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
