So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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