Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You did what with his pubic hair?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize