i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
