Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
