i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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