You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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