Are we in a gay sports bar?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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