you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
