Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
