Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
