Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
