I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
