he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
