barbara walters just said penis...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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