i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
