No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
