sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize