he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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