Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
