doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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