Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
