Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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