the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
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Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
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I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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