when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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