You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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