How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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