How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
