seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
