I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
