We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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