The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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