the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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