I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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