im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long