Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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