I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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