My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
