I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
