Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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