I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
