I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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