i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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