"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
