do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So many bounce houses so little time
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
