It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
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You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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