Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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