How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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