Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
