I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I stole a fireplace last night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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