Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think I died a long time ago.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
