yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
