Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
