twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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