Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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