fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
